They say that the Italians and French would suffer the most from the pandemic as they greet each other with two kisses and hugs and generally wear the faces off each other but the Irish being the social butterflies that we are, are finding it pretty dam difficult as well. Our nation have always had a habit of bending the rules no matter what is at stake and this applies to killer pandemics as well. For example Ireland has a famous nightclub called Copper Face Jacks in Dublin. Everyone in Ireland knows Coppers. If you ever want the shift (some kind of base in America , not sure which one), just head to Coppers. So with the restrictions coming in recently that all pubs had to close by midnight, Coppers went off and opened earlier at 6pm instead of 11pm therefore extending the hours of the nightclub opening. Sure the place does be packed out from the rafters. A shrewd move by the owners.
You are not allowed stand at bars to buy a drink either so pubs put barrels at the bar where you can now sit. So we love our little loopholes.
The pubs had been closed in Ireland for over a year and we all started going a bit mad with the isolation. People started building their own bars out their back garden . Some were fine works of art that you could see from space and here from China and it reminded me of the Prohibition episode of The Simpsons where Rex Banner, the town Sheriff was knocking on Moe's "Pet Shop" when things were in full swing. There was even a bar found by the police in a fire engine. Fake Vaccination certs is the new rage.
I was driving along one day and my neighbour Joan was carrying her shopping up a hill. Joan is a neighbour of mine in around the 101 - 104 age bracket so I stopped to give her a lift up the road as she had ten plastic bags of shopping and a bag of spuds and a bag of briquettes. She had been cutting blocks that morning out her back so she was tired. She was delighted of the lift but it was only then I realised social distancing was out the window and Joan was as good as dead if I had Covid. I put the foot down and made sure Joan was out of the car as quick as possible, asking people if she was alright every week to make sure she hadn't come down with something. But she told the lift not a bother on her.
Auld lads were walking into shops looking for the sanitiser but it was the slush puppy machine they were washing their hands with.
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It was just a mess. We are all a pack of disasters here. The Chinese got in the army and we are ducking our head in under the plexiglass and taking our face mask down to order a cappuccino because we couldn't hear if the barista asked us if we wanted chocolate on it. There is no hope for us.
Now granted the country is over 92% vaccinated so we are good at change brought in by the government. The plastic bag levy was a huge one when the government put 20 cent on the price of a plastic bag. Rather than buy a plastic bag now I could join the circus by the way I juggle the dog food, milk and the fire lighters out to the car. And then there's the smoking ban. Walking out of a pub in -80 degrees for a cigarette. It was a good rule that was followed by the other European countries soon after. When we were on a ski trip the Austrians were wondering why all the Irish were shivering their holes off outside in the snow when they hadn't even brought in the ban yet. Once something is implemented we find it hard to go back.
We did make one stand against our government. We voted against the Treaty of Lisbon so what did the government do? Asked us if we wanted to vote for it again and it went through the second time around. You can check this out if you don't believe me.
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Our politicians get an awful amount of grief but most of them spend their time going to funerals and getting lobbied for repairing the latest potholes. Anyone bleating about the a conspiracy on Hive makes me laugh as there is no way our politicians could plot a conspiracy in our country. We think they are greedy , and people who like being in positions of power , but to think the local TD (member of government) is out to blindside us into getting a vaccine is a bit too far fetched so most of us took the dose and we are grand for it. Our politician loves his GAA and his civil war politics and I doubt he knows who Bill Gates is. Anyway I don't wanna see anything happening to Joan. They are after giving me around 6 vaccines already in my life and I like to think that I turned out OK so throw me another two. Fuck it. In fact they did a pretty good job as I rarely get sick. In the eye. If I go sterile so be it. I have two kids already and they are hard work. You would be doing me a favour.
It is a good job most of us took it anyway because we would be in big trouble now if we didn't as the Christmas parties some places are having are off the charts and there is a crazy amount of casual riding being caught up on.
I went out to one of the islands off Galway for a couple of days and we were told our Face Masks weren't welcome here. Now join all these crowded strangers that are sneezing for a session.
Anyway us Irish are shit at the pandemic so the vaccine came along at the right time. We are just not the type of animal who can stay socially isolated for too long and can obey a rule without trying to bend them a bit. Mistakes will be made. Joans will be picked up as acts of kindness and slush puppy machines will be used as hand sanitisers by old farmers. But we will prevail. We used to hide a fart with a cough. Now we are hiding a cough with a fart such is the stigma of Covid. And now I am writing this with a sore fucking throat. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. In fairness I had a good run of it. Plus 14 days isolated in a room is my idea of heaven right now. Catch up on Succession , Chestnut Man and Narcos Mexico and have 3 square meals a day outside the door. How bad.
